…just spit the seeds out and keep it moving. Man, it’s been a minute for a new post, and for good reason. So many transitions in my life right now, I can barely keep up. I’ve been up, I’ve been down, turned practically inside out like Penny from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse (I couldn’t find the inside out episode…if you haven’t seen it, I can’t help you). I’ve been spending the last few months re-learning who I am, what I stand for, and what I want out of life. And yo, this crap is not as easy as you would think. When you spend the last fourteen years of your life being defined as one thing, it takes some time to unravel and shed your old persona, your old ways. You have to re-think and re-define everything you assumed you knew (with certainty!) about life, people, love, relationships. And it feels just about impossible.
I think the most difficult part is removing old labels and behaviors that were so deeply embedded in your psyche, your every day life. Essentially, those habits that encompassed your reality for half of your life, gone. Understanding and accepting that you are, in actuality, your own person, with no restrictions, no labels, and now you have to begin rebuilding yourself. At first, it seemed daunting, which is almost laughable, considering how independent and self-assured I can be. But nothing is more stressful than the unknown, regardless of how confident you are!
So, in true Misfit fashion, I’ve begun to embrace it. Pain and change is temporary, and you can only allow yourself so much time to wallow in it. My friends have commented on my strength and perseverance, as if I’m superwoman. I’m not. Not even close. I’ve just come to the realization that I can’t necessarily control situations, but I can choose how I respond to them and how to overcome them. My strength comes from my will to ensure my happiness and peace, no matter what life throws at me. Most importantly, I’ve come to realize that I can do whatever the hell I want to do, how I want to do it, and when I want to do it. I accept these changes as my challenge to do just that. And lucky y’all…you’ll hear all about it.