Lunch or Dinner? Or, Why Dating Today Sucks

When’s the last time you went on an actual date? Like, one where someone asked you out, on a specific day, at a specific time, in which you actually had to get prepared and dress up for it? And maybe they picked you up, or you picked them up, and you both had a nice sit-down lunch or dinner? You know, when it wasn’t at a bar or directly after work, and where the end result wasn’t an expected hook-up? I’ll give you a moment. Or two. Or a few hours. Still nothing? Yeah, I kind of figured that.

This whole new-age “dating” thing, especially for those who have been in very long-term (read: entire adult life) relationships, is surprisingly daunting. I feel as if my ideals about dating are so antiquated, in relation to those my age. Courtship is virtually a dead term, an outdated expectation. It seems that all everyone is concerned with is meeting someone out at a club or a bar, exchanging first names and Instagram tags, and hooking up the same night (and apparently, there’s this Tinder app that’s all about hooking up, but I’m admittedly naive and had no clue). I have been feeling so old-fashioned, because I can’t fathom how you can be okay with sleeping with someone whose last name you aren’t even sure about.

I’ve had this conversation with quite a few people, and it seems that the whole concept of what it means to date has been forgotten. Dating isn’t about random trysts in random apartments with even more random people. It’s supposed to be about getting to know that person, learning what their life aspirations and outlooks are, and determining whether or not you both can mesh. And then, once you’re at that point, you can engage in some seriously fun “soul-sharing” (my term, don’t steal it, gonna copyright it).

Don’t confuse this post, though, with some sort of holier-than-thou mentality. If you’re okay with your aloneness, if you’re independent enough to not care for long-term partnerships, or even (gasp – dirty word alert!) marriage, then by all means, go out and get hook-up crazy. For me personally though, the journey is just as important as the destination. Dating has an end-goal, and it transcends much further ahead in the future than what happens in the dark at the end of the night.