It’s Better to Heal…Than to Hurt

It’s very easy to run away from and avoid the reality of our lives. It’s even easier to harbor hatred and feigned indifference, than it is to examine ourselves and determine the role we’ve played in the demise of something that was once deemed important and beautiful. Hatred is not a clear-cut emotion, but is typically a mask for something deeper, usually deep-seated pain and hurt. When people hate, it is because they are too emotionally immature to deal with the heartache they’re experiencing, the hurt they believe is caused by another person or situation. In actuality, no one can make you feel anything you don’t want to feel. Your emotions are your responsibility, and you ultimately have the control over how they are expressed. But how do we wade through our insecurities and elevate ourselves in a way that causes anger and hatred to be fleeting emotions, that aren’t allowed to take up residence in our souls?

Pinata Murderer

Practice self-love. This sounds so simple, yet so many people don’t know how to accomplish this. I sometimes blame it on our modern society and the new cultural expectations we seem to have. We are so dependent on the acceptance and love of others that when we don’t have it, we feel empty inside. We constantly seek the approval, the love…the admiration of others, and when it’s not reciprocated, we tumble down the rabbit hole of despair. You, and only you, have the power to create and manifest your own happiness. How much you love yourself should not be contingent upon how much someone loves you.

Self Love

Do NOT mirror emotions. This is a difficult one for me, personally, because I am an empath by nature – meaning I sense and feel the emotions of those around me quite easily. If I walk into a room and there are people being jovial and lighthearted, my first inclination is to do the same. On the flip side, if I’m sitting next to you, and you are angry, chances are, I will find myself slowly getting angry as well. My soul tends to be a little emotional sponge that wants to share in the experiences of others, even when those experiences are detrimental to my well-being and alter my mood. You have to be extremely cognizant of this in yourself, which I am still learning to be. It takes a LOT of extra work, but if I’m being attacked with negativity, I actively remind myself that I have control over my feelings and cannot allow infiltration by the hurt party. Count to ten if you have to, but do NOT match their emotional level. Your spirit will thank you.

Twin Horses

Be aware of your feelings. Pain can be a confusing place. Someone says or does something we perceive to be cruel, and the first thought an emotionally immature person has is to “get back” at them. Did you know that the more supposed revenge you seek, the more negative energy you bring on yourself, and the more horrible you feel (Unless of course, you are a completely narcissistic person who is incapable of taking responsibility for your actions and their resulting consequences)? There’s supposedly a very thin line between love and hate, but that’s because the line is a fallacy. Hatred does not exist without love, period. It is just the level that reveals itself when you are unable to cope with the pain that occurred within that love. Instead of dealing with the underlying feeling that is making you lash out, you instead blame any and everything in your life on the person you thought caused it, and you try to hurt them to match what YOU feel inside. Meanwhile, because they’ve matured and actively practice the art of self-love, they’re just deflecting all of your attacks with grace while continuously praying for your peace. Stop attacking and become aware of what you’re really feeling. If necessary, see a therapist.

Bloody Radishes

I realize that a lot of this may seem simpler than it is, because the level of passion behind the emotion you’re feeling may seem larger than life. Unfortunately, the truth is, you can’t run from your feelings, no matter how far you try to escape. Continuing to try to cause hurt to others, instead of focusing on your own healing, tends to hurt you more in the long run. Or, in some cases, you end up causing residual hurt to those around you, and those closes to your targets – and then they begin to build resentment within their hearts. Stop trying to actively breed a home of negativity – if you continue, you may wake up one day and find there’s no one left to lash out to.



It’s Really Not That Serious

I am a notorious reactor. I tend to get very emotional, very easily (it’s usually the anger emotion!), and it can hinder progress, and mare how others perceive me. It’s nice to feel that it doesn’t matter what other people think of you, but in the real world, your reputation is 80% of who you are (there is no statistic for this; it’s just an arbitrary percentage I placed on self-worth). I like to think of my intensity and my responses to situations as a testament to my passion about the particular circumstances; unfortunately, it can be often seen as immature and insecure.


At my age, and at this point in my career, I would rather the impression I make be seen as positive, rather than a hindrance. It’s been said that it takes at least 21 days for a change to become a habit; so for the next 21 days, I’m going to actively start changing my behavior so I can quit being so damn confrontational. If you have a similar problem, I urge you to start your own 21 day change, and let me know how you fare. In the meantime, I’ve come up with three tips to jump-start you on curbing your emotional impulses.


1. Keep your mouth shut. I hate when I feel that something is unjust, not fair. One of my favorite things to say is “fair is fair”. I even say it when I don’t have all of the facts. Maybe if I just kept my mouth closed, and um, listened, I would fully understand the situation. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t speak up. More so, take a moment and actually think before you speak. Because honestly, life isn’t fair. Deal with it.

Zip It

2. Keep it to yourself. Not everyone needs to know how you feel about a particular issue, especially if it’s not impacting them. They’re just going to think you’re a whiner, and start to avoid you. Don’t stew on it; go take a walk, talk to one non-judgmental or impartial third-party, but that’s it. No blabbering, no yelling, no violent sign-language. People will think you’re psycho. The last thing you need is people going, “Uh oh, here he/she comes. Make yourselves scarce!”.

The Shining

3. Let it go. Not every situation is as big as you’re making it. There are so many times where something seemed so life-altering, when in hindsight, it was just a small blip in the grand scheme of things. Choose your battles. If not, you’ll exhaust all your energy and resources on the miniscule fights, and not have enough for the wars.

Let It Go

Obviously, these tips aren’t earth-shattering or anything you haven’t heard before. Common sense, yes, but apparently, common sense isn’t as common as we think. You can’t control what comes out of someone else’s mouth, but you can control what comes out of yours. And ultimately, how you react to it.

Multi-Racial Misfit

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