Yup, it’s another post about dating. Kind of. I guess it’s more so about relationships, situationships, buddies, whatever. And apparently, I have a very steep learning curve.
Many of you probably remember the late 90s movie, Love Jones (one of my favs!). In the movie, Nina and Darius meet each other at a nightclub (which, hello, can we get one of those out here?!?!), hook up, and then try to figure out whether or not they’re just attracted to each other only on a sexual level, or perhaps, there could be something more. The entire movie’s premise is on the modern-day idea of courtship, which is essentially, non-existent. The two seem to go in an out of the notion that having sex is just “having sex”, and no big deal, with no feelings involved (which is not true, don’t care what y’all say. Someone’s going to catch feelings…it’s called being human). As “old” as that film is, it is definitely impeccably relevant to today’s culture, and what most people expect when they aim to get to know someone.
My idea had always been that dating wasn’t really that difficult (coming from someone who was in a relationship for half of their life, and didn’t have much experience in the dating world). I figured, you meet someone, you have dinner, drinks, get to know each other, and decide if it was something that was worth getting deeper into. In essence, you were taking the time to figure out whether or not you just had a “love jones” for that person, or an actual “love thing”. It seems as if nowadays, it’s more of the former. I’m noticing that most people are too shallow to get past the jonesing part, too impatient, too stuck on instant gratification. They don’t want titles, they call it “being friends with benefits”, having a “buddy”, “hanging out”. Everything but what it actually is…dating. Maybe it’s because the getting to know you part has been condensed, and rarely are people willing to add any water to it to make it a real meal (see what I did there?). People are all about what’s in it for them, and typically don’t look for value in people’s personality.
For me, this seems awfully cynical and selfish. Being a starfish in a sea full of guppies is pretty tough. It makes you wonder if holding strong to your ideals are even worth it, in a game that is so heavily weighted on the other side. And the longer you stay in it, the more difficult it becomes to not give in to that other side, to not just go with the flow. Having a love jones is awesome, and great, and exciting, but as quickly as it sparks, it can fizzle even quicker. Personally, I’d rather capture the jones and cultivate it into something that provides long-term fulfillment, not short-term gratification.
Nice post. I believe in “in the meantime” stages. Not everyone has long term potential, but if you both assess your needs and decide, as adults, to have a “situationship” in the meantime, so be it. Things can get messy, but it’s a risk you take. Committing to an exclusive situation/relationship is also a risk depending on how you look at it.
Thank you! And yes, very true. I guess we can just say life, love, and sex in general involve huge risks. The fear with the situationship, I think, is that there’s always one person that gets too caught up in it, and that’s where the messiness comes in (especially when you start getting used to certain aspects of it).
Yup, that happens a lot. Unless you distance yourself once you realize you’re falling for the person — and always have other ppl in rotation to avoid attachment.
I recently wrote about a situation that didn’t end well. Password is fwb