Ready is Relative

“Great people do things before they’re ready”. Simple quote, but yesterday morning, during my daily wake-up ritual of opening up social media (don’t judge me), it was the first one I saw, and it hit me hard. It ended up shaping not only the course of my day, but it also impacted my interactions. Maybe there was something in the air, but a lot of my friends and colleagues seemed to have awakened with a restless motivation. You see, the status quo didn’t, and doesn’t seem to working anymore, and being just to be is no longer good enough. So many people expressed that they were living, but aren’t actually alive. The realization that there is more to life hit them just like that quote did for me. Are you feeling it too? Because here’s the thing: that restlessness is a clear sign that you are ready and in need of a change, and that change is imminent.

Train Tracks

Photo courtesy of gratisography.com

Maybe you work in corporate America, and you spend the majority of your days attending mindless meetings. You know, those meetings that aren’t held out of necessity, but more so because you had an empty spot in your calendar? And you end up spending those meetings daydreaming, unfulfilled, disenchanted, disillusioned, and disengaged. You find yourself starting to wonder what the point is, and whether there is truly more than what you wake up and do, day in and day out. You have ideas, you have dreams, but you don’t feel like it’s the right time to go after them. So instead, you sit in your meetings and push the daydreams out of your mind, because you know, security and responsibility and all of that. But of course, when you’re ready, then you’ll make the right move. However, at which point do you decide you’re ready?

Corporate Cat

Photo courtesy of gratisography.com

That’s the issue many struggle with. Everything has to be done at the “right time”. I’ve realized though, that the right time doesn’t really exist. Tomorrow isn’t promised, yet we constantly push everything to that day. Recently, a friend of mine who was jaded in her corporate role, decided to take a chance and follow her passion. She was afraid, even terrified at times, and she needed somewhat of a push. She definitely wasn’t ready, but she decided that not being ready wasn’t a good enough reason anymore. Don’t get me wrong; she does admit it can be difficult at times, but the most important part is that she’s happy, fulfilled, and feeling as if she’s being true to herself and her heart.

Photo Girl

Photo courtesy of gratisography.com

If it scares you, yet thrills you…if it makes you want to curl up and hide away in a safe comfort zone, but the thought of NOT doing anything is more daunting, then chances are, it’s time for you to explore it. Maybe you can’t take the risk, maybe you’re afraid to jump, but if you take that approach, you’ll fail at it 100% of the time. Sometimes, the fear of trying is trumped by the fear of never knowing. Make today the day you try.

Be Phenomenal

A week ago, I was honored to provide an inspirational post for an awesome event in CT, “The Phenomenal Women Panel”. It’s been a couple of weeks since I’ve posted on the site, but I wanted it share this one with you all. Enjoy! 

Earlier today, my third grader was telling her brother and me a story about a little girl in her class. Apparently, this little girl had been biting her style (my girl won the classroom fashionista award last year – she is ABOUT THAT LIFE). As a result, my daughter was none too pleased. “One day I’ll wear something, like my animal print Converse All-Stars, and the next day, she’ll be wearing the same thing!” Jokingly, I said the little girl was triflin for trying to steal baby girl’s style. But then, I had to pause and think about that interaction.

In jest or not, we tend to teach our young ladies, at a very early age, that other girls should be considered first and foremost, their competition. Friends, sure, but ones you still have to hold at arms’ length, whoyou always have to side-eye and watch on the low. Because of course, other women, at the end of the day, are always out to steal your style, steal your man, steal your job, etc., etc. And while I’m all for friendly competition (although my friends, male and female, may not consider my idea of competition friendly, but whatever) this mentality is a nasty, negative habit many women are guilty of perpetuating.

We like to get on our social media soap boxes and speak of feminism, sisterhood, and women empowerment, but so few of us actually practice it. It sounds good when we say it, but to actually be about it? That’s a different story. That isn’t to say we aren’t capable of it; on the contrary. We women are so many things – loving, nurturing, intelligent, strong, motivating, encouraging – but we’ve allowed the narcissism of our society stifle that aspect of us, and in turn, our comraderie amongst each other.

What if, instead of hating on the chick that walks in the club with an outfit we ourselves wouldn’t be caught dead in, we compliment her shoes, so she doesn’t feel that sting of collective judgment? Or when we’re at work, instead of withholding information that could help others because we want to make ourselves appear irreplaceable, we share our knowledge and exchange ideas. I’ve found that getting along with other women in my peer groups has helped me a lot more than it has ever hurt me. When we begin to watch our words and actions, and commit to only spreading positivity between each other, we build tighter bonds and even boost our own spirits. As phenomenal women, our primary focus should be to uplift and encourage each other, not to dissuade and destroy. Be phenomenal.

 

Misconceptions in Relationships By @ISwearIAintHit

Keeping up with my once a week “cornucopia” posts, today’s post has been brought to you by @ISwearIAintHit. Follow him on Twitter (he’s hilarious) and his blog, “State of ConPhliction”. (Graphics brought to you by @TheCultureLP -it’ll be a good look if you follow that account too). We’re catering to the young single folk with this one…I promise we’ll target you old couples soon. Enjoy and leave comments!

“Misconceptions in Relationships” By: @ISwearIAintHit

Posted on January 6, 2012

In today’s society we have a bunch of people who want and require relationships but ultimately don’t know what it takes. Whether it be too much or TV or horrible advice from friends but lawd lawd lawd you people are so misguided. In this blog I will tackle problems that plague this *breaks into song* generation of… not being in love *cut music* #TreykeCare. Seriously though we are a lost generation when it comes to such matters because of such misconceptions that I will tackle in this post. So im back with another one!! LET PAPPY COOK

Ladies: A RELATIONSHIP IS A TWO WAY STREET!!

I’ve come to realize that women have a hard time with this. Women get complacent with a man chasing them and think they don’t have to put in ANY work. Sorry to knock you all off of your high horse but it comes a point in time where the chase stops and its your turn. No man wants to chase a woman who isn’t doing her part. Sure a man is supposed to court a woman from the beginning but there’s a stage in the relationship where it becomes a 50/50 thing. The chase is over you have to show EACH OTHER that you’re worth the future headaches. You think a man is supposed to just make YOU happy while u just chill. Not. Women tend to see this as men getting comfortable. Biggest misconception. We want to see what work you’re willing to put in on your end. So if we see you not doing what you’re supposed to do then that’s when we fall back. Food for thought.

Fellas: SEX DOES NOT MEAN YOURE IN THE CLEARING!!

Fellas believe or not women are JUST LIKE US. They just hide it better. They want sex just as much as we do. Sex doesn’t necessarily mean you locked her down brother. It means she trusts you enough to share that bond with you. They want to test drive the stick before they buy the car as well. So just because she finally let you in there doesn’t mean you’re good. It means you have to go harder. Sex doesn’t define a relationship, it’s part of it. I was always the type to not have sex with a girl I really really dig in fear I may get complacent but truth be told when a woman is a good woman you have to put 100% forth regardless if you guys have done the do or not. Now if it’s a woman who you just wanted to take down then so be it but if not then my brother they are extra critical of you actions once it goes down. Stay on your toes and make that woman happy regardless.

Ladies: JUST CUZ HE DOESN’T @ YOU ON TWITTER or FB DOESN’T MEAN HE DOESN’T LIKE YOU!

There’s this issue that always comes up where a woman feels a man does not like her that much because he doesn’t show her love on a social network. Ladies this is COMPLETELY false. Most men not all most don’t like their business out there on front street. Main reason is if you’re a dude who’s popular or not, some dudes just want your woman just because she’s YOUR WOMAN. Which is one of the biggest headaches to deal with. Men also like to keep their relationships very low to avoid the extraness. Extraness as in once you make your relationship extra public .. the public become an extra in your relationship. Once again it’s another headache we DO NOT want. Of course he’s supposed to claim you and make it known he’s in a relationship but having to @ you and put up pictures of you every so often to make you feel “it’s official” is extremely immature and juvenile. You have a bond in real life, you spend time together. Why does it matter if he doesn’t always hit you up on a social network? You have to be secure in your relationship, it’s the only way its going to work.

Fellas: NOT BEING CREATIVE!!

Man listen… As men we go all out when we find that one at the beginning but once again we tend to stop doing all those cute things that made her fall for us. You know what im talking about: The random I miss you texts, random flowers, going out to eat, movie dates. All of those are things that are supposed to continue into the relationship. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together you have to keep your relationship refreshing and new. Its tough I know I know. I’ve had this problem too but google is your best friend. Most of the time it’s not even the extravagant things she wants. It the small things she likes just to reassure her shes appreciated and thought of. If money is as tight, such as mine, you have to be even more creative especially in the winter because it limits outdoor options. If y’all chill in the crib, switch it up light some candles and just cater to your woman. Trust me fellas itll keep your woman.. YOUR WOMAN. You can take that however you want to take that.

Ladies: GOING OUT ALL THE TIME IS NOT OK!!

Ladies just like you we want our quality time. There’s a lot of women who just do too much. You think we want to sit around knowing you at a party and some guy is grinding his pelvis on you all crazy every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday….. NO!  Sorry you made the choice to be in a relationship so act like it. Of course its okay to have your girls night out just like we need to take time to just chill with the fellas but DON’T OVER DO IT. If your man is asking you every weekend to come over and you say no you going to some party. Don’t be surprised if the requests become less frequent and someone else is taking advantage of his free time. Keep your man entertained. Parties last but so long, when 4am hits and the party is letting out and your man don’t want no parts what are you going to do? Think about that

Fellas: VOICING HOW YOU FEEL DOES NOT MAKE YOU SOFT!!

As men we tend to feel as if telling a woman how much we like her makes us soft. It’s the feeling of being vulnerable or looking a certain type of way. Fellas truth be told women LOVE that. Women like to hear it just as much as she likes to feel it. You have to assure woman its okay to tell her “Babe I like the dog sh*t out of you”. Lol maybe not like that but you get the point. Another thing we do is tend to act like we don’t care when she does something wrong. Voice how you feel let her know how you feel about things. That’s the only way she can know what type of man she’s dealing with. It’s okay to feel a type of way. We’re human not robots. Holding stuff in only makes you dislike the woman you’re dealing with. So much can get accomplished when you communicate with your lady constantly on feelings. Grow up man. The drake jokes probably scare you but trust a real woman appreciates these types of things. Get your drake on in her inbox if she laughs at you she’s just some immature chick who wants to be treated wrong. Let her go.

These are very very few misconceptions but these are some of the BIGGEST problems in relationships nowadays. Everyone is too cool to be in love. Stop the madness. You will be lonely FOREVER. Forget the masses and the twitter guru beliefs. Live your life for you. Your relationship is yours. Stop going to outside people for advice when you can ask the person you’re dealing with. When it comes to communication whats the need for advice? Everyone is different so if that person doesn’t know who he/she truly is they can’t help you. Good Luck with this cuffing season!!!

Also thanks for the support on the blog (http://conphlict3.blogspot.com) so far im at 2000+ views a post the love is much appreciate please keep passing the word on to your friends. Support me I support you.

I recently put out my first comedy skit with our entertainment group.@LamarKCheston @DionSulemen @NickyCharles #LetsWorkEnt. The video is at 1400+ views!! Once again thank you for the support. If you haven’t seen it yet —>

Pappy’s How To Get Out of A Hickey CHECK IT

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Multi-Racial Misfit

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