You Need to Cut It

Have you ever had a conversation with someone about aspects of your life that you KNOW you need to change, and you kind of brush it off like, yeah yeah whatever. You hear them, but you’re not truly listening to what they’re saying. We all like to think we’re completely right, and for the most part, you should listen to your own instincts and not let others give too much input into your life and the direction it should take. But those same things you’ve brushed off, you suddenly see or hear somewhere else? Literally days, or even hours after the conversation? This just happened to me, as I debated on whether or not to write a blog post about the same themes that continue to play a significant role in my life. A friend of mine (I say friend even though we’ve never met in real life but appreciate each other’s posts consistently) on Instagram posted five things that needed to be gone from her life, and dammit if three of those things didn’t pop right out at me and poke me in the eye.

398H

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First up? Living in the past. How many times have I rode the shoulda coulda woulda train. If train of yesteryear has annual passes, I must be a platinum member. This evening, I was discussing all of the reasons why I don’t feel like I’ve done enough in my life, and I focused on all of the things I wanted to do but didn’t get to do. Everyone has this grand plan for their lives, and while some people can get hit with a detour and regroup and move on, others move through the detour and still worry about the path they never got to see. I am notorious for being that person, unfortunately. Shoulda went to this college, coulda had that experience, woulda been that person. I never stop to think about the fact that, had I followed my desired path, I may not be where I am today. Sure, my life may have been great, but I would most definitely not be the person I am today. My detour shaped me, and although rough at times, it molded me into someone with resiliency, persistence, and maturity.

318H

Photo courtesy of gratisography.com

Fearing change. Okay, this is a funny one to me. For someone who has gone through so much change in the past four years, I still despise it. I love adventure and new experiences, but I somehow want everything in my life to stay intact. It’s like playing a Sims game and enjoying the new world, but coming back to the comfort of sameness when you log off. I’ve written posts about embracing change, not because I do it with excitement and eagerness, but because it’s something I have to do and realize the importance of. This past year, I literally threw caution to the wind, took a chance, and moved across the country. I had no concrete plan, but I somehow knew it would work out. I was fearless in making the decision, yet somehow I wasn’t fearless throughout the process. I hated almost every moment of it, because every day the planning yanked me out of my comfort zone. The fact that my relationship has managed to stay intact is amazing to me (I’m a lucky gal). And even though I made the biggest leap and came out virtually unscathed from it, I’m still not settled yet. I’m still adjusting to the change, but I’m not afraid of it anymore. But, should something new come up, I can’t promise that it won’t come with growing pains and a little bit (read: a lot) of resistance. I hope though, that the fear that has clouded past changes can be replaced with mild annoyance, at least.

Broken Cookie Jar

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Overthinking. Whooooo, this is me me me. I’ve gotten better through the years, but my goodness. I am guilty of re-reading a text message or email and assigning my own interpretation of it. Did you know that, “If that’s what you want” can have a thousand different meanings? And usually not the meaning the person who sent it intended for it? Being an over-thinker has caused me pain, confusion, and just plain sadness. It’s difficult for me to believe that when people say things, there is no underlying meaning, and they only mean what has been said. It’s a horrible habit, believing someone is out to con you, that they can’t be trusted. I’m finally learning to accept things at face value, and not spend all of my precious time and energy trying to discern an alternative interpolation of it. It is very easy to be in a bad mood and follow the rabbit down his hole of despair, but it’s so not worth it, trust me. You can’t control other people nor their intentions, but you can control your response to both. Accept what is and reject what’s not.

Couple Couple

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We all have things that we need to work on, things that recur to the point that we feel like we’re living out a scene in Groundhog Day. We may feel like we’re alone in our issues, that others don’t suffer from the same sort of self-criticism and self-deprecation that we so generously stow upon ourselves. Sometimes, it’s comforting to know that we’re not alone, and that we all can’t stand who we are (kidding!). But seriously, realizing that we’re only human, just like those around us, can provide a first step in moving forward from the behaviors that may be holding us back.

 

 

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The Positivity Plan

It is soooo absolutely easy to give out great advice. You listen to the other person so thoughtfully, you run the situation through in your head, you try to be objective and look at both sides of the story, and then you dole out equally thoughtful, objective guidance. You know what’s even easier though? To give out that advice, knowing full well you should be taking it yourself. We like to pretend we don’t have viable solutions to the issues that plague us on a daily basis, but when you give out that awesome advice to your close friends in similar dilemmas, it’s usually your subconscious telling you that you already know the answers to your problems. To kick it up another level, when you blog about your observations about other people, or instances in your life, there’s usually a grain of guidance lurking in between your words.

The Joker

So I’ll let you in on a little secret: I love when I can write about something, and someone will comment, or message me, or text me, and tell me that they needed to read what I wrote – that my words somehow resonated deeply with them. But at the end of the day, I write more for me than anyone else. I honestly don’t ever know if anyone is going to take the time to read my rants, to appreciate my thoughts. So in essence, it is pretty much therapeutic and cleansing for me. I’d even argue that it’s NECESSARY. So much so, that when I go a few weeks without writing or posting (I’m sorry!), the little negative cynic that hides in the recesses of my psyche starts to rear its ugly head. It throws temper tantrums, demanding I set it free so I can shift energy and add more negativity to the vibe. And when that starts to happen, I know I have to sit down and take time to talk to you all, so I can stuff him back where he belongs.

The Tragedies

We all have that negative cynic hiding within us. For some people, the company they keep makes it more apparent. Others stay in unhappy situations, relationships, jobs, and absorb all of the negative energy from others, and then pass it on to those who are trying to remain positive and have a hopeful outlook on life. I’m not saying you need to stay away from those people (although, if you’re a HSP like me, you’ll let people’s energy, whether bad or good, screw with your spirit, so I do try to steer clear). Rather, if you can handle it, you have to be the positive ball of energy so they can feed into you. What they really need more than ever is not someone who will add misery, but someone who can be a beacon, and perhaps urge them to think of creative ways to stifle their cynic. For me, it’s writing. Others may sing, or paint, or be physically active. The key though, is to do something that will cause an imbalance of energy, with the abundance tipping on the positive side of the scale. Who wouldn’t want an abundance of positivity? I know for me, after writing this soliloquy, I can already feel Cynic Sam (I literally just made a name up for him) retreating back into his cave. Find a way to make your inner cynic do the same.

The Beach

 

Multi-Racial Misfit

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