I’m not throwing stones or judging, because it can get like that for all of us at some point. We stop trying to live our own lives, and instead settle for vicarious living via social media and crappy reality shows. When’s the last time you had a Joe Schmo moment about your life, and just asked, “What is going on???” No, like, honestly. What are you really doing with your life?

I’ve been reading a lot of books on leadership lately, so obviously, I’m kind of an expert (I mean, I didn’t get it from the internet, right?). The most valuable takeaway I’ve ascertained from all of these books is whether or not I’ve discovered what my mark on the world is/will be. We are so much more connected than we think we are, kind of like The Butterfly Effect.  Your words, your actions, your beliefs, they all have an impact on those around you, whether you realize it or not. The things you’re complaining about – like public policy, the demise of television, bullying, whatever – are you actually doing something about these things? Are you actively trying to be a positive force? In other words, are you a burden or a blessing?

I don’t know about you all, but I’m a little sick of being just an observer. I’ve determined that one of my gifts is helping others, and I’ve been trying to live out that life of service ever since. I encourage you, no, I challenge you to be more than just a burden. In Steve Farber’s book, The Radical Edge, he quotes Ronald Perricone of SKATE!, stating, “Act as though every action has a direct impact on the world…you should perform every deed as if it will either improve the world or damage it”. I’d kind of rather you pick the former and work on improving it. Think about the kind of world you’d want to live in; what can you do right now to make that happen? What blessings do you have to offer the world? Wars aren’t won in a day…start small and figure out your purpose.

My personal favorite was the “Warm it Up” song and video. Grantland’s Rembert Brown breaks down, or excuse me, explains the intricacies of this awesome video here, but my glee was intensified when I realized that one of their “crew” was Kenny/”Bud” from The Cosby Show (I love The Cosby Show, but most of you know that already). As a whole though, the album was pretty good, and us youngsters obviously felt the same way, since it managed to top the Billboard 200, two months after it dropped (Note: This is kind of a big deal, since it was consistently one of the only rap albums in the top 20 for weeks). I seriously let that tape rock ’til that taped popped. 

This may be completely selfish, but every time someone whose music played a significant part in my growing up (whether good or bad), passes away, it’s almost as if a piece of my childhood has perished as well. I know I talk about the 90s a lot, but dammit, I love the music and memories it gave me. I base my life timeline not on years, but on the music that got me through that notoriously rough period of transition from childhood to adolescence. Thank you, Chris Kelly, for being one of many artists that contributed to that time. May you rest in peace.

R.I.P. Mac Daddy

1. Oil Pulling

I have no clue how I came across this, but once I started reading, I became intrigued. I’m sure it had something to do with the wonderful-ness that is Hey Fran Hey, but of course, I always do my own research before I try anything new (sure). I Googled the whole oil pulling business, and came across this wordy but informative site. The claim is that if you swish some oil in your mouth for 15-20 minutes every day, before you brush your teeth, it’ll help alleviate and cure headaches, toothaches, bronchitis, ulcers, world hunger…amongst other things. So, like the sucker I am, I tried it (using sunflower oil), and I’ve been doing it for a few weeks now. It’s pretty gross at first – I mean, it’s OIL sitting in your mouth, and it’s all yucky looking when you spit it out. I’ll admit, my teeth feel super clean, and my sinuses feel a lot better, but maybe I’m just naive. I’m going to continue to do it though, because I don’t want to be known as a quitter. If you do try it, use something light, like sunflower or sesame seed oil.

2. Facial Yoga

Dude, I find THE weirdest stuff. I really, really don’t know how and why I decided to try this, but this cute, young-looking 30-year-old has a great video on how to do it. Her claim is that she looks soooo young because she’s been doing facial yoga (it couldn’t be her good genes, no?) for years now. The first day I tried it, I forgot to lock the bathroom door, and my hubby barged in, and laughed at me. The second time, I made sure no one was around and still locked the door. It’s basically facial massage, and doing stuff like, puffing up your cheeks and tapping them to keep them fuller. My face felt nice after I was done doing all this weird stuff to it, and I guess I won’t know if it’s working until about ten years from now, since (another humble brag) I’ve been told that I look younger than my real age. If you do nothing else, you have to watch her video, and then the other bizarro ones that pop up in your search for facial yoga.

3. Drinking Apple Cider Vinegar

I guess this one isn’t as weird, but it definitely isn’t common. I actually read about drinking apple cider vinegar a couple of years ago, but I didn’t decide to try it until recently. It’s supposed to aid in removing toxins from your body (like oil-pulling), clear up your skin, and it even has potassium in it! When I’ve used it, I have noticed a change in the way I feel, so it’s definitely something I’ll continue to do. I drink a mixture of it (1 tbsp in a cup of water) right after I’m done oil pulling. If you’re going to try it, I recommend the Bragg brand, because it’s organic and unfiltered.

I’ve now proven to all of you how um, different I am. But when I’m 90, looking like a 40-year-old in excellent health, you’ll all wish you listened to me. If you try any of these, let me know!

I waited about a couple of weeks for my sample, and I wasn’t actually expecting an entire tube of the stuff. I received my package (I love getting packages in the mail!), in “light”, and immediately decided to open it up. Whenever I get a new beauty item, the first thing I do is check the consistency. Since one of the claims was that the product was hydrating and a primer, my expectations were that it should be very lightweight and airy. No disappointment there! I was pleasantly surprised by how lightweight it actually was. I was thrown off a bit, because it came out whitish-looking, and I remember hoping that it wouldn’t show up super pale on my already winter pale skin.

Luckily, it blended in VERY well. My vanity is preventing me from actually showing you a before and after of how it looked on my face, but take my word for it. I don’t like wearing a ton of makeup, especially heavy foundation, so this cream was a winner for me. If you don’t have a lot to cover up, you could really just use this cream, some concealer and blush, and look fresh-faced.

So I’ve given you all the great things about this product, and like all things, there have to be some drawbacks. I have very oily skin, and I found that this did nothing to cut back on that oil. Not surprising, since that wasn’t one of the magical features, but definitely a downside for me. Also, the tube was terribly small, so it’s not going to last you too long. You need from a nickel to a quarter-sized amount to get full-coverage, so you could end up running through this tube pretty quickly. It’s not cheap either, at about $11 each, so it would probably be wise to use this on the days that you don’t need heavy coverage (like the gym, errands, etc.), which is what I ended up doing. It also worked great as just a primer, aside from that oily skin issue (no fault of L’Oreal’s, just my bad genes).

If I were to attach a number rating to this product, I’d give it a strong eight. And L’Oreal, if you’re reading, maybe you can create something that would include all of these components plus some oil-cutting action? Thankyouverymuch.

I can vividly remember that first time. I’d always been very nervous, because I didn’t want some strange person touching me, and I felt I wouldn’t be able to relax and get the full benefit. But a couple of years ago, when I first started purchasing Groupons, there was this deal going on for a one hour massage for $35 at some day spa. Since I’d seen other places advertise their rates starting at $60 for a one hour massage, this seemed like a no brainer. I called the place, and scheduled my appointment. The receptionist sounded bored, didn’t give me further information about who I’d be seeing, and pretty much hung up on me. That should have been a red flag, but you know, I had already paid for this Groupon, and I’d be damned if I was going to waste my money.

So anyway, the day finally comes, and I got to the place a little early. I checked in, and waited nervously on the couch. A few moments later, a big guy, who looked like a cross between my dad and Gerald Levert (R.I.P.) comes out. I thought maybe he had just gotten a massage, so I look over his shoulder, expecting to see a female therapist behind him, ready to call me in. Um, no. Gerald introduces himself (with a name that wasn’t Gerald) and tells me that he’ll be my therapist. Now, I know some people don’t mind a male therapist, but that made me super uncomfortable. But again, since I had already spent the money, I took a deep breath and decided to get it over with.

Let me tell you, that was by far the most uncomfortable experience I have ever had. I don’t think I relaxed for a minute, and I’m sure my body was even worse off than it was when I first got there. Had I been comfortable, I’m positive he would have done a great job, but it just felt, I don’t know, creepy to me. With that being said, before you take the plunge and get a massage, there are a few things you should know.

1) Make sure you’re specific when requesting a therapist. The receptionists aren’t mind readers, they don’t know what you’re comfortable with. This will be harder at smaller day spas, which have limited staff members, but if you call a place like Massage Envy, they should have at least one person that will fit your needs.

2) Take a flipping shower. Some therapists have told me that clients come in, and they reek. Have some respect for yourself and the therapist. I wouldn’t say this if it didn’t have to be said.

3) Don’t be afraid to speak up to your therapist. If the pressure is too light, tell them. If it’s too hard, don’t just wince and bear it. They are providing a service to you, and they don’t mind adjusting the session so you get the most out of it.

4) Relax. It’s not going to be fun OR help you if your body is tense. It kind of defeats the purpose, and then you’re just throwing money away. If you need aromatherapy to help you feel more calm, ask for it.

5) Tip your therapist. If you’re paying $60 for a session, your therapist will probably be getting only a small portion of that. If they’ve done an outstanding job, make sure you follow-up with gratuity that indicates that. 15-20% of a regular-priced session is sufficient.

6) And finally, drink LOTS of water. Before and after. A lot of toxins are being released, and this causes you to be thirsty. I do not know the scientific reasoning behind this, but I’m sure you can Google it. All I know is, you’ll be parched if you’re not properly hydrated.

I’m a huge proponent of massage, and would get one weekly if I could. It helps to clear my mind, and I seem to come up with the best ideas when I’m laying there, forced to do nothing but relax. How often do allow ourselves the luxury of just doing nothing? I’d love to hear your first-time massage stories!

I am a hummus fanatic…my favorite is the whipped kind from Trader Joe’s…not sure how they get it so fluffy, but I’m going to keep trying. Hummus doesn’t come cheap though. If you’re like me, and get a couple of containers a week (it’s real serious over here), that’s about $10 a week, and $520 a year! That’s a lot of money for some hummus. Sooo, I decided to research how to make my own, and found this great recipe. It tasted great, I controlled everything that went into it, and potentially save about $300 a year. I feel like a winner. Unfortunately, I don’t have a picture of said hummus, because it’s all gone, but here’s what it looked like:

To go along with my new-found desire to be more conscious about what I’m putting into my body, I decided to try my hand (literally) at making my own hand and body cream. When I told people what was in it, they kind of cringed, but why aren’t you cringing when you’re potentially using chemicals that release FORMALDEHYDE into your skin? Don’t believe me? Google it. Anyway, I had a ton of fun mixing up my concoction of distilled water, olive oil, beeswax, and essential oil, and it felt amazing on my skin. Here’s the recipe I used, and a picture of what it looked like when I was done. The blue bottles are some facial cleanser I made; I’ll save that for another time. Got me feeling liking Carol’s Daughter over here or something.

My final DIY project was reconstructing an old t-shirt. If you’re like me, you probably have tons of old t-shirts lying around your house that you’re too lazy to give away to the Goodwill, and now they’re just taking up too much space. Again, Pinterest to the rescue! I came across this blogger’s pin, and got crazy excited. I work out a LOT, and I’m constantly running through workout clothes. However, because I think I’m too cute to wear anything but tanks, I’m stuck washing clothes throughout the week. This lifesaving DIY (I’m being VERY dramatic here, but you get the point) helped me remix all the old t-shirts around the house, and triple my workout wardrobe. This one was my first, and my favorite, ’cause it’s Jay-Z’s Blueprint 3 album artwork.

The moral of this post is…well, there is no moral. I’m always trying something out, and sometimes, other people just need a little push from someone they know to try something out of the box. These are simple things, but who knows what sort of creativity these mini-projects will spark in you? If you have some great DIYs, definitely send them my way!

But I’m going to make it easy for you. Maybe you don’t know what you want to do; you just want to do something. To help you out, I’ve compiled this short list of five things you can do this year, that you can look back on and feel proud that they’ve been checked off your list.

1) Give back.

This is an easy one. There are so many different ways you can do this, whether it’s by actually getting involved in your community, or writing a check. Not sure where to start? Check out Do Something, a site completely devoted to helping you figure out what to do. If writing a check is more your speed, the United Way is another site that makes it simple for you to click a button and have a tax write-off for the year.

2) Learn something. 

Something, anything. Remember back in the day, when you used to actually keep information in your brain, and not your smartphone? You can still relive a little bit of the past by learning something completely new, by picking up a book, or delving a little deeper into a topic you’ve had some interest in. Imagine how envious your friends will be when you offer up information you didn’t have to consult Google for.

3) Get physical. 

Every year, you all swear that you’ll be more fit, get that beach body by March, and go to the gym in droves for two weeks. And then it gets too cold. And then you don’t want to get up early or be out too late. And then you get sick and decide to never exercise again. Excuses, excuses, excuses. You have no problem setting aside time for happy hour or Love and Hip-Hop, but exercise? Who has time for that? This year, why don’t you actually set aside 20 minutes at a minimum, 3x a week, to get more fit? Sure, it’s not much, but it’s a start. And everyone knows that the only way to do something is to start it. One of my favorite sites for workouts is BodyRock. It’s got a ton of HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) workouts that take about 20 minutes. So no excuses!

4) Get connected.

No, really connected. I love social media as much as the next person (obviously, since I’m a blogger), but it’s no substitute for real-life human contact. Instead of relying on Facebook and Twitter to find out how your friends and family are doing, why don’t you just (gasp!) pick up the phone? Most of us have become so averse to talking on the phone, but it’s one way to feel like you still know someone. Social media isn’t real connecting, especially since most people only post the good stuff. For a week, disable your social media apps, or ignore them. Spend that time visiting friends, or phoning them. It’ll be weird at first, and if it doesn’t work, at least you tried!

Pick up the damn phone.

5) Do something new. 

There’s a great video I watched the other day, where the narrator poses the question, “What would you do if money were no object?”. It kind of made me stop and evaluate the things that I do all day, and whether or not they were fulfilling. Most of us talk about the things we would do if we were rich, but most of those things don’t require millions. Some just require time, and ingenuity. You want to travel? Start saving! You want to be an artist? Take a class at a community college. As cliché as this is, life really is too short to be doing things you hate. Find a way to start something you’ve always wanted to do. It’s not too hard to use Google to find things like free or inexpensive courses, or using Living Social and Groupon for those getaway deals. You’ve got an entire year to make it happen.

Making changes in your life is really not as hard as we make it seem. And if this post didn’t make you want to get your arse up and do something, maybe this great piece by David Wong will inspire you. Maybe you don’t need a jolt, maybe you have this life thing all figured out. If that’s you, please share you words of wisdom, or just let me know what specific things you’re resolving to do for the coming year. A friend of mine re-posted a good idea on Instagram: Start the year with an empty jar and fill it with notes about good things that happen, so you can read them at the end of the year. I say, fill it with those things you’ve accomplished, so you’ll feel compelled to outdo them in the next year.  As always, thanks for reading, and have a happy and safe New Year!

In recent years, Thanksgiving has been sort of anti-climatic, whether spending it with the in-laws (who I love), friends, or just my immediate family. At one point, the idea of Thanksgiving even disgusted me, because of what it represented (you know, the beginning of the end of the demise of my native ancestors?? Yeah.). I had a hard time getting myself excited to celebrate a day that marks the genocide of other cultures…but, I digress. And then of course, there was just the subdued apathy that settles in after a while of not really going anywhere or doing anything. When my aunt let me know that she’d be hosting this year (and I’d be making the banana pudding), I was ecstatic. It has been so long since we were all in the same place for something that didn’t involve death or hospitalization, and I miss that.

We so often take the beauty of family, with its faults and sometimes irreparable fractures, for granted. We assume that the option to reconnect with someone you haven’t seen in years will always be there, but that’s not always the case. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to appreciate the wonderful, unique people I’m blessed to call my relatives. We’re all different, we all live differently, but in the end, we all love each other. Even if Thanksgiving isn’t the most P.C. day of the year, I’m going to take it for what it is and use it to my advantage. It’ll give me the opportunity to catch up on the milestones and changes I’ve missed out on. And it’s a chance, if only for the day, for my family to feel a little like I imagined it to be in my youth. And in my selfish way, that’s enough for me.

I was having a discussion with someone, and Jay-Z’s “Renegade” came on. We started discussing how Eminem killed his verses, and that began an intense discourse about the best rap features of the last ten years. I came up with this top five list, and it’s my list, so you can agree, or not agree, I don’t care. These are the top five rap features according to ME, in descending order.

5. Andre 3000 on UGK’s “International Player’s Anthem” 2007

3000

3000 is a hot rapper. We know this. He can pretty much be guaranteed to shine on any feature he’s put on. He’s the king of the double entendre, and he didn’t disappoint in this song either. Whether it was “cc’ing” or “see, seeing” all the girls, or “giving up the pussy cat that’s in his lap”, he delivered his verse smooth, and made sure it was the most memorable on the song. Actually, I’m ashamed to say, I’ve switched the song off after his verse. I know, UGK blasphemy. But it is what it is.

4. Ludacris on Young Buck’s “Stomp” 2004

Luda wants you to stay off…you know.

Everybody’s favorite underrated rapper. Luda will never get as much respect as he should have, in my opinion. He’s lyrically one of the best around, yet slepted (a made up word) on so often. But not on this song. I will never forget the first time I heard it. Or rather, the version that included Ludacris. I had a mix tape of the version T.I. was on, and it was ah-ight, had a nice little beat, nothing extra special though. But hearing that song with Luda’s verse at the end, in my 1994 Montero (you couldn’t tell me nothin’ in that car) made me actually scream. For you youngins that don’t know, Luda and T.I. had a little beef going on back then, so it was amazing that they were even featured on a song together. Oh, they were featured together alright. When Ludacris’ verse came on, ending the song, by dissing the hell out of T.I., on the SAME DAMN SONG, all you could do was scream. He ended the verse with, “So please stay off the T.I.P. of my…”, well, you can guess the rest.

3. Nicki Minaj on Kanye West’s “Monster” 2010

“Monster” Nicki Minaj

I’m not a Nicki Minaj fan. I’m not with all the gimmicky clothes and wigs, the stupid metaphors, blah blah blah. However, I will give credit where it’s due. Her verse on this song made the entire song. You forget who’s even on the damn song, besides Jay-Z, which is a given on most Kanye West singles. The veterans on this song should be embarrassed by their lack of preparation. My thing is, you heard her spit her verse; why didn’t y’all get back in the booth and tighten your bars up? We’re supposed to believe all of you are monsters on this song? Really? Like the monsters from Monsters, Inc.? The only one who put a little a fear in my heart was the one screaming how she was gonna “eat your brain”. There was enough inflection and emotion in that verse to make me double check the locks on my doors at night.

2. Eminem on Jay-Z’s “Renegade” 2001

Eminem is a Renegade

Ok, I cheated a little bit. I said the last ten years, and this one came out eleven years ago. But whatever, Idon’tcareIdon’tcareIdon’tcare. Eminem falls at the bottom of my list of dope MCs. I know I’m in the minority in this one, but I just can’t rock with him. I can count on one hand how many of his songs I actually like. But this song right here? Jay-Z who? When I was listening to this song today, rapping along, I recited every last one of Eminem’s lines. And I could only remember a handful of Jay-Z’s. Don’t get me wrong; Jay is one of my favorite rappers, and is definitely in my top three, but he couldn’t prove it to me on this song. Em murdered the hell out of this song, bottom line. I appreciate him so much more on other people’s ish (see 50 Cent’s “Patiently Waiting“).

1. Jay-Z on Kanye West’s “Never Let Me Down” 2004

Jigga Man

So, to support my claim that Jay-Z is one of my favorite rappers, he’s my number one favorite feature. It was actually pretty close with he and Em, but I play favorites. This song, no lie, gave me chills when I first heard it (and sometimes still does). This was the height of Roc-A-Fella, and this song was so much an illustration of how powerful they were in the rap game. The entire song is a great song. I listen to it now, and hit repeat a couple of times. Jay-Z rapped about 65% of this song, and it was a flawless 65%. It was so much more than a song. I grew up listening to Jay, from his Reasonable Doubt days to now, being the most successful rapper from the PJs. Hearing how well his words flowed together just let you know that this wasn’t the height of his career. He was going to be even greater. His last couple of bars sums it all up: “Hov’s a living legend, and I’ll tell you why/everybody wanna be Hov, and Hov still alive”. You ain’t never lied Jay.

My former classmates have made my search slightly easier, by posting events on Facebook. Last year, I went to a great event in Philly, by the Raw Artists organization, and I kept thinking, man, they should have something like this in Hartford. Well, they do. Next Thursday, October 4th, The Russian Lady will be holding a Raw event, featuring the fabulous ladies of Hartford Prints! You can support the event by buying tickets here.

If you’re looking for fun and cultural events this weekend, you can find it all throughout downtown. iQuilt, a local organization, will be hosting Envisionfest Hartford, a one-day festival reminiscent of the downtown festivals of my youth, like Kid-Riffic. More information on this great event can be found here. And when you’re all cultured out, head on down to the Duck Pin Alley on Farmington Ave for an after party.

Andddd, if that isn’t enough, a wonderful organization I’ve discovered, Civic Mind Studio, has brainstormed and came up with an awesome project. Every Sunday, beginning on October 7th (through November 18th) there will be an open air market on Pratt St, which has remained an important part of Hartford’s history, reminding of us the bustling city Hartford used to be. If you like the idea of projects like that, check out the organization’s website…it seems they’re open to your ideas.

I admit, I had almost lost all hope in the place I grew up in, the place I had once fiercely defended against naysayers. Instead of trying to fix the problem, I, like many others, decided it would be easier to ignore it and move on to greener pastures. I am proud of my fellow Hartford men and women who are involved in these projects, who decided that our city was worth saving. I hope the rest of you natives give it another chance too, and help me support what can be the start of a great revival.